This past month (my last semester at tech).. I’ve been thinking a lot about my time here at tech. Did i love people? Did i serve the best way possible? Did i spend my time wisely (uhh no..) What will people remember me as? Funny? Obnoxious laugher? Crazy Holy Spirity lovin’ hippy? Am i loving the freshmen as I should be.. do spend a lot of time with them? How will they remember me? Did they feel loved? Did i leave my inheritance for them to find easily? Regret has been hitting me left and right, and the feeling to be loved and known is smackin me upside the head.
I realized.. like just a few moments ago haha that i’ve been grieving my self-pity. This needing to be loved and to be KNOWN has shown a greedy and ugly side. the thing is, i’m looking at other people to validate love for me and i’m disregarding all the work i’m doing in the field a lot of people don’t see. it’s hard
but it’s been really real.. and lonely in a way. not to say in the least that i feel like i’m victorious, but in the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepest part of my heart, all i want is to be known by GOD as a faithful one who loved Him well. there’s no glory (at least not here anyway..) there’s not applause, no reward, or recognition.. but i hope.. one day soon, that i’ll be ohkay with that.
hours spent laboring in the place of prayer, hours worshiping, teaching, guiding, loving, sitting in His presence in my secret place. i’ll know that i loved Him well, and that’ll be enough.
Lord, I need a new and fresh revelation!
