After walking with the Lord for __ years, i think i know who i am. who i am to my Father. Yes, deeper revelations come and are sealed on my heart time and time again because He loves to walk with us and share in the glory/failures/hardships/joy.. He’s asked and keeps asking me – DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? And then He shows me! Simply because I ask and it moves His heart for us to commune and ..enjoy each other. He is my Beloved and i am His.

But I keep running into this question: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE & HOW I SEE YOU?
I’m so ruined by His love for me.. and i keep coming to this place where I feel the love oozing and running through me. But more than an experiential and momentary “feeling.” He’s asking do i KNOW.. cause if you KNOW, you’d walk in it. I was asking the Lord to reveal His heart for me the other day in the prayer room. So i closed my eyes.. and imagined the eyes of Jesus, so full of compassion & fire. He showed me this grain of sand put into an oyster — and He shows me the pearl that took so much time, care, and sensitivity and HE’S SO GIDDYY.  And then He takes it.. so jealously, and HIDES it into His heart. I wasn’t moved to tears.. i def did agree in my spirit, but i didn’t FEEL like that pearl. But He said: “thats just who you are to me, and you can’t change it!” pwned in the face.. no joke

It’s really easy to gaze on His face. And ask who He is. Because.. He always shows up! And it’s easy to ask Him what I mean to Him.. how I ravish His heart — but it’s hard for that to TAKE ROOT into my spirit. And it’s hard to focus on myself. Don’t i need to just move past these issues, so i can just go into the things on Gods heart for the nations? hahaha but to Him.. those issues, those things that jade my heart matter to Him.. I matter to Him. It’s just EASIER to hear what the Lord has to say about the person that’s sitting next to me – or something/someone I’m just thinking/praying for. To be apart of a global movement of prayer and worship. HAHA but little old me.. ME? me.

I feel like I’m taking a million steps backward..  like didn’t we already go through this? I’ve feel like i’ve come a looong way. How else am i able to pray in POWER and AUTHORITY? I can’t do it unless I know the Father who I’m tapping into.. but sonship. HAHA Not just knowing a Father who can do it (which is ALWAYS IMPORTANT, ALWAYS), but knowing who i am as a son. Not just His thoughts towards me (which is ALWAYS IMPORTANT TOO, ALWAYS).. but who i am and was made to be. That being made known through my body, my words, my actions, my thoughts — HUMDEEDUM.

why the blog title. someone was speaking to me today about how they feel like i’m going to learn about who i am. i was like wigggawhhhhat. girl, i’m done with that. i’m soooo anointed, and my prayers are really powerful because I’m tight with jesus.. HAHAH. I was so offended.. i thought about it more tho.. if i would stand.. and TAKE ROOT in that identity. not just stand in it when I need to, but just LIVE as if it was mine — HIGHER PLACES.

i wish that wasn’t how it was tho.. haha. what offended me the most was my own thoughts of what it might have implied. disqualifying my “qualifications” — my crazy encounters, my love for jesus, my prayers, my giftings. but like i said, i thought about it more.. and i’m not going backwards — this is just what it looks like to go deeper.

wow that was almost poetic. HAHA!

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I love wandering to different places in Korea alone. Headphones in and finding my way. It’s always interesting.. But what i love more than my nomadic-ness these days, is feeling like i’m home at the Kingdom First House of Prayer. I love going in there as a nobody to the people around me, but being KNOWN and HEARD by jesus as we enter into the heavenly courts, marching in with intercession. I also like that i don’t know anyone because i can sing as loud as i want! hahaha Today was gold; sitting there, praying for the children of N & S Korea to be raised up as Daniel’s and Joshua’s of this generation, praying for Somalia (random..hahaha), but most importantly giving worship to the King of Kings and pouring my love unto my Friend and Lover.

My heart has been becoming so tender because He’s been meeting me so tenderly this past week. I feel it becoming flesh, new and longing for more. And so deeper levels of love-sickness has come into this season.. to put it more simply.. I miss Him. I miss Jesus.

I remember the first time i started to miss Him. It was strange. haha i didn’t know what it was, but just a deeep saddness in my heart that couldn’t be satisfied. I thought i was going through depression again! The Lord and I stood in agreement that that was no longer apart of my identity, that I didn’t wear that anymore. I don’t know when or how, but my heart and my mind came into alignment. I was missing someone that I loved. I was mourning for Someone. Because my heart grew to love Him, Him being a REAL PERSON.. i started to miss Him.

(ohmy the prayer room at IHOP right now is so annointed) – “jesus we love your name! gathered to bring you praise..”

Not so long ago, my best friend and i were sitting in the car about to go to a friends apartment. And the Spirit of the Lord came and pierced our hearts. She had a revelation of the same thing i was experiencing.. so we mourned for the coming of Jesus together. We missed our friend, ohkay?! hahaha We wanted to see Him come for us.. so we could BE with Him. We wept. How humbling.

When I think of this picture, plus a bajillion other people on earth, crying out “COME LORD JESUS..” What would that do to God’s heart?

I’ve only tapped into this revelation.. MORE LORD!

__

I’ve been home all day today. Doing absolutely nothing. I’ve also been awake since 7am. For about two weeks now, I’ve been waking up around 7am. No matter what time I sleep, I wake up and the time is.. 7am. Funny thing is that I know the Lord longs to draw me into His presence in the morning. There’s something so tender and sweet about the dawn. But lazy me, decides to watch tv shows i can’t watch the previous night.

This says a lot about the way I live, huh? What I worship, what I really love. In the morning when I know my Father is longing to BE with me, i bring up excuses..i.e: I don’t want to be “religious.” I honestly hate “quiet times.” I want to punch whoever coined this term in the face. The idea to set a time to spend with the Lord isn’t stupid, just what people have made it to be. Some sort of quota that needs to be met, making it a necessity rather than choice.. OR that it’s not worth it, cause I’m going to quit in the middle of it.. 1. the bible can be boring, 2. i’ll fall asleep

I think i’ve gone through all different types of spirit of oppression by the morning! hahaa

BUT THIS ISN’T WHO I AM OR WAS MADE TO BE.

I think about all the promises God and I have talked about. I never want to be held back. The destiny set before me, the things God is asking me to do with Him is too precious to be compromised. So i take a stand now..in this season, that no longer will i let my flesh hold my heart back from fully giving it to the Lord. I’m bound for failure, but He keeps telling me that it’s ohkay because His grace is sufficient.

In that secret place fuels global awakening. That’s my higher pleasure. More than t.v. and more than succumbing to my laziness. Loving Him is my higher pleasure.

gotta wake up..

As I walk down the streets of Korea, I see darkened faces because of the spiritual bondage they’ve succumbed to.
As I ride the subways of Korea, I see girls/ladies/women/.. and even men looking into the mirrors wanting so much to like what they see.
As I sit among the “natives,”  I hear the disdain for the Japanese, Chinese, and the North Koreans.

pride, image driven mentality, sexual impurity, apathy, greed, arrogance, ignorance, depression, .. oh they run so deep.

It’s easy to point these things out, but it’s even easier to fall into these traps. Why is it that the enemy is trying to hard to steal, kill, and destroy the lives of South Koreans? Cause it’s going to be a nation that rises up from the ashes and comes into it’s identity as the Bride of Christ.. soon & VERY soon.

because: WHAT RUNS DEEPER THAN ANY OF THESE THINGS IS THE LOVE OF THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN NAMED JESUS!

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aside from that spiel.. i’m doing awesome! hahaha spiritual warfare? pssh spiritual warfare, shmiritual smarfare. I’ve gotten violently sick after visiting shrines and have become much more heightened aware of my surroundings and people. But God keeps reminding me of His promises. I attended a prayer meeting that was on FIRE, and services that stir my spirit, but what i LOVE LOVE LOVE is the k1 prayer house. In the heart of Seoul, a fragrant incense arises!! I’ve only been once thus far, but I’m ready to sit in that place again. I do love the fervor of corporate agreement in prayer that MOVES the heart of God and MOVES His angelic ministry to go into places WE physically can’t.. but what i LOVE the most is wasting my time at jesus’ feet.

prayer requests.. for my <5 viewers..
- Breaking any thoughts that I’m not walking into my destiny. Cause i DO have a unique place in the drama the Lords unfolding across the world
- Spiritual protection everywhere I go
- Divine appointments

in His goodness,

Jennifer

I realized.. like just a few moments ago haha that i’ve been grieving my self-pity. This needing to be loved and to be KNOWN has shown a greedy and ugly side. the thing is, i’m looking at other people to validate love for me  and i’m disregarding all the work i’m doing in the field a lot of people don’t see. it’s hard

but it’s been really real.. and lonely in a way. not to say in the least that i feel like i’m victorious, but in the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepest part of my heart, all i want is to be known by GOD as a faithful one who loved Him well. there’s no glory (at least not here anyway..) there’s not applause, no reward, or recognition.. but i hope.. one day soon, that i’ll be ohkay with that.

hours spent laboring in the place of prayer, hours worshiping, teaching, guiding, loving, sitting in His presence in my secret place. i’ll know that i loved Him well, and that’ll be enough.

Lord, I need a new and fresh revelation!

This week has been full of sadness, loss, and hardship. I’ve caught my self “groaning” in my heart (and out loud HAHA) for lost hearts and my own. He’s rekindle a bit of compassion that i had forgotten.. opening my eyes to see beyond the natural, and reminded me that He who has called me is FAITHFUL and WILL do it.. there’s a yearning to hold onto His steadfast promise and mercy.

Often times.. I can’t say anything though, typically this week… BUT the best thing about this “jesus” thing is that HE KNOWS. It’s so disgustingly simple. When I think I’m doing my best to intercede and ask God so that He might be moved in His infinite grace.. the Spirit Himself makes intercession FOR ME. HE KNOWS ME. You know when you want someone to understand SO badly what you’re saying/going through.. when you’re trying to explain to someone with words but it doesn’t and can’t hold the depth of what you want to say.. it’s so frustrating!! BUT JESUS KNOWS EXACTLY. i don’t have to pray for a looooooong time to get perfectly what i want Him to know, but HE KNOWS.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

what a beautiful shocking work of grace and perfection. oh jesus.. your love goes deeper still.

Ohkay, maybe being a little melodramatic. But goodness, growing older gets harder and easier. Harder because you realize.. that these years have passed you, possibly the years have been left behind with mountains of regrets or unfulfilled hopes&dreams. But it gets easier because they just pass by. The day doesn’t slow down as much as before, they go as fast as any other day.

But right now, like RIGHT NOW.. i’m thinking about how God’s been faithful, how His heart was always FOR me. The days, months, years behind me, are just as they are.. behind me. I don’t know what’s ahead.. and some days.. just some days haha.. that’s fine. This moment now, where I dwell in the presence of God is more than enough. Engulfed in the pleasures of knowing Him, and the joy of being lovesick.

who would have thunk it.

Thanks friends! for trying to make it special as i push it away, but really do appreciate it. HAHA<3 off to buy things i don’t need, just cause it’s my birthday:)

Another year, thank You JESUS!!

all i can say is.. I love jesus.. i love love & miss jesus

i’m ENTHRALLED for this semester (academically ) to play out; to see the banner of Love high over CCF, Virginia Tech campus, OVER THE NATIONS, over me; this summer (i don’t know why..); next fall semester.. Lord willing, I’ll be in S.Korea studying abroad! And then.. keep walking on this incredible narrow road of grace&mercy until His return

YEAH!:)